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Humor Column

Our humor columnist has the best prank ideas for every jokester’s favorite holiday

Flynn Ledoux | Contributing Illustrator

After weeks of plotting, our humor columnist decided to pull the most epic prank ever, the best Syracuse University has ever seen. She decided to replace the Life Sciences Complex toilet paper with two-ply, instead of three-ply.

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Something I LOVE? Very elaborate plans and schemes. Can’t get enough of ‘em. That’s why, as The Daily Orange’s official and only humor columnist (I’ll throw a brick through the window of The D.O. house if they even mention bringing in another humor columnist), I decided to pull off the most impressive April Fools’ Day prank of all time.

I was brainstorming, pondering and practically ripping my hair out while trying to decide how to prank everyone. Put toothpaste-filled Oreos up for grabs in Schine? No, not that. Spray paint “I H8 BOOKS” on the information desk in Bird Library? Gosh, I couldn’t handle another charge for destruction of private property!

At last, I finally knew what to do. The craziest, silliest prank of all time. I can hardly type this without giggling, but here it is… I changed all of the toilet paper in the Life Sciences Complex from three-ply… TO TWO-PLY! Tee hee! Sorry, I couldn’t hold it in.

I mean, can you imagine!? Going to the bathroom, expecting some regular three-ply toilet paper, just to find that you’re using two-ply? Come on, it’s hilarious. I’m not saying to clap for me, but like, you can if you want.



The first thing on the list: go to Costco and buy toilet paper in bulk. Lucky for me, everything in my savings account was enough to cover the 18 packs I planned to buy. Unfortunately, the mean old lady cashier at Costco said it was only three per customer. Good thing I accounted for this. I went back in with a fake mustache, a cowboy hat, cowboy boots, a real mustache, a cowGIRL hat (feminism), sunglasses, regular glasses, blue light glasses, 3D glasses, 2D glasses (which are regular glasses) and just a different shirt. Success.

Finally, my plan was in action. Now, all I had to do was load 18 bulk packs of toilet paper in my Uber driver’s car. He wasn’t very happy when it took me a solid 15 minutes to Tetris everything into the car, but I was one step closer to the coolest prank of all time.

Once I had that all done and figured out, it was now time to go in and do the deed: changing the toilet paper out. I hid in the custodian’s cart at 5 a.m., ready to prank. Each time the custodian went for a new roll of toilet paper, I sneakily handed them one of my two-ply rolls. I actually think he may have noticed, considering he said thank you after each roll I handed him. The sign of a true prank brother.

After a few hours of toilet paper switching, the prank of the century had been completed. I waited outside the bathrooms excitedly for someone to come out and say, “Oh. My. GOD. Can you believe what they had in there? Two-ply. How absolutely ridiculous! How absolutely ludicrous! Who on earth could have done this? What surely infamous prankster could have pulled this off?”

So I waited. And waited. And not one person said anything.

…There may be a possibility that no one noticed the toilet paper. At least I’ll always know how I pulled off the prank of the century. I’ll always know…

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